Many people believe and say that the worst thing a couple can do is fool you. But the truth is that there are much worse things.
This is stated by the Australian relations expert Samantha Jayne, who in an interview with the British newspaper Daily Mail says that there are definitely things that are much more damaging than an infidelity in a relationship.
Among the latter, the specialist mentions behavior such as being abusive or having addictions. Below we tell you the ten indicated by the professional.
1. Pretend to be someone you are not
Jayne stated that one of the biggest causes of break in relationships is pretending to be someone you are not.
“If you try to hide some things from yourself and who you really are, they will finally come out,” she said.
“Once I met a patient who had a boyfriend who pretended to be discreet and innocent, when in fact had a colorful past, full of sex parties and prostitutes. When she discovered this, she felt devastated and the relationship never recovered, “said the expert.
It is best to be sincere from the beginning, because those little things can become huge reasons to end a relationship with time.
2. Physical or emotional abuse
Whether physical or emotional, abuse is never good in a relationship, Jayne said.
“Emotional abuse is often hidden and you do not even know what’s happening until you get to a point where you have low self-esteem and you feel you’re not worth anything,” he said.
With abuse you can not only lose a relationship, but it can also take years to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem, when you have been a victim of it. Do not let that happen.
3. Lying and hiding things
The relationship expert pointed out that trust is one of the hardest things to recover once you get lost in a couple.
“Even little white lies begin to create cracks in a solid relationship,” he said. “Once the lies start to come out, the confidence factor is broken and the relationship is doomed,” he added.
Even if you do not to hurt your feelings, hiding things to your partner can become a big problem that destroys confidence.
4. Conceal a sexually transmitted disease
“Yes, surprisingly this still happens,” said the expert.
Lying on something so relevant, risking the health of your partner by not allowing him to take the necessary precautions, not only causes physical damage, but also emotional.
This behavior gives account of selfishness, lack of love and breaks trust.
5. Passivity aggressiveness and manipulation
Being passive aggressive is a silent way of intimidating someone to take control of the relationship.
The manipulation is not always so obvious, in fact it is so subtle that you do not realize until it is too late.
6. Unhealthy behaviors
“Once you’re in a relationship, remaining extremely flirtatious, or having a too-shifting personality can lead to problems,” Jayne said. The same goes for very jealous people.
“Especially in people with low self-esteem, if someone exploits and then apologizes right away is bad,” he added.
Whatever your addictive behavior, you must treat it, because it is harmful and will end up shattering you and your partner.
7. Financial control
Having a dominant partner who controls your finances and your statements is a bad idea, Jayne said.
“Keeping financial control is important, but you can not have a person who dominates or steals money,” he added.
You should never allow your partner to control or use you through money. Put your eye on the signs.
8. Not supporting your partner or value what he does for you
“If you think you can sit there and do no work at home and use your partner as a slave, it will not work,” he said.
A relationship is made between two, and if only one is the one who sacrifices, the one who gives everything for the other, the one who listens and never gets the same back, chances are things will end badly and when you want to fix it, it’s too late .
9. Alcohol or drug abuse
“This is a very traumatic experience for the person at the receiving end,” Jayne said.
“Of course, the partner loves the addict and all they want is for him to get better, but in the end they are wrapped in a web of lies,” he explained.
10. Put the children against your partner
“Shouting and using threats to get what you want is bad, but using your kids against a partner is unforgivable,” said Jayne
“No matter what is happening in their relationship, children are the innocent ones,” he explained.
Be carefull with bad habits
Although not so obvious, there are certain bad habits in a relationship, which end up doing a lot of damage. Here are a few, according to Susan Krauss, MD.
Let it always be your partner who shows affection
Research shows that women are more likely to start showing affection toward their partners. In the background, they are much more affectionate. However, keeping this as an unquestioning belief can lead you into the habit of expecting it to always be your partner that hugs, kisses, surprises, or begins any show of affection.
Even if your relationship is very stable, this habit can send wrong signals to the other, like – for example – that you hardly care about him or her.
To counter this situation, the professional proposes to remember the few times you took the initiative of “love” and the result was positive. You do not even have to think about the current situation, it might have been in the past, where you got a beneficial response.
Discuss the same things all the time
It is very easy to repeat the same arguments when you are involved in an argument. “You may be able to predict, with depressing accuracy, the result of a disagreement with your partner over one or another weekly task or duty,” says the specialist.
“Before falling into the usual set of complaints about having to clean the bathroom once more, try to find a time when both can talk calmly about the recurring problem and come up with a plan to fix it,” Krauss says.
This can be much more productive to resolve the issue, than to constantly recriminate, since the latter only generates resentment and a defensive response by both parties.
Being too serious
Susan says it can happen that with your friends or colleagues you laugh more than with your partner. “The concern to have a home and a family can lead people to forget that sometimes things happen that are just fun,” she says, indicating that you can easily spend lots of things, but when you’re at home you feel that you do not You have time to “flirt”.
However, says the psychologist, “research shows that laughing together can be the boost your relationship needs. If all else fails, watching a romantic comedy together can be useful to share some ‘silly’ time. “
You never eat together
“The accelerating pace of life, especially when we have to balance the home and work, can lead couples to get into the habit of eating separately,” says the expert.
But even if it seems impossible, scheduling an hour to leave or at least having a meal together a week, is necessary for the relationship.
In fact, “having that meal together can remedy some of the other bad habits, such as taking the other for granted or being too serious. To break this habit, commit to at least having one meal together per week (…). During that instance, get rid of your phone, put on some relaxing music, and enjoy each other’s company. If your partner has cooked, be sure to say ‘thank you’, and tell him you like it, “emphasizes Susan.